Wow I can't say or explain how tired I am. Between taking care of my mom, dad, taking the kids to work, school and my daughter's boyfriend that moved in with us like 3 weeks ago and i also take him to work and pick everybody up, then there is baseball practice and guitar classes for my son on top of this i am suppose to run my company and create artworks for my clients (YEA RIGHT) creating nothing is what i am doing. Since my mom's accident and me finding out my daughter (17 years old) is pregnant is like non stop. My mom is such a handful actually more than a handful thank God i have wifey that helps me out incredibly alot. Just tired all the time seems to me that i have had no rest since my mom fell.
I feel angry all the time i know alot has to do with being tired but alot has to do with the financial situation since my mom fell my business has gone down like from some orders to NOTHING right now maybe i have one order which the profit is $80 and out of that $15.00 i got to give to the courier so is actually $65.00 wow that's for one freaking week. And the boyfriend moving in has not help the money situation he is 19 and started to work now so he has to contribute to the house but he has not gotten paid yet. :( bills are late and other bills are later, and me not bringing money and the kids eating everything they see gets a bit frustrating.
I feel so nervous about my daughter i guess i got to let her do more decisions she is 17 and pregnant so i should let her not depend on me so much just don't know how to do it or if i can let that go, i see her and even though she is pregnant she is my baby girl. How can i not protect her from everything. When she gets in a discussion with her boyfriend i want to tell her what to do or say but i need to learn to keep quiet because they are a couple and they are bringing a child together so i think i have to stay shut but again how do i keep my comments to myself when i hear sometimes his response to her thats not so nice and i want to go to him and kick him in the butt and say hey she is pregnant she is allowed to be moody and sensitive and allowed to feel anything so be NICE. but there i am sitting wanting to say somethign and trying to bite my tongue and not say nothing at all. He is a very good kid at least he is still here facing the situation that says alot right. Just hope they will last they are so young and they are kids bringing a kid to this world i hope it works out with both of them. So now i sit and say tomyself ok shut up and don't say nothing let them handle their mess don't say a word, i hope that works for me. :( i think i am going to lay down before i need to get up and fix dinner. i guess work for today is out of the question.
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"seems to me that i have had no rest since my mom fell." - you haven't, sweetie. you have been on the go since she fell. you are right. she is more than a handful, but i know that she appreciates what you are doing for her. i know she gets upset and says things, but she tells me all the time how much she appreciates what you do, how much she loves you, how you are the only child she has that cares for her, etc. i know its hard, i remember taking care of my great grandma. but her arm will heal (look how much it has healed already) and things will be much less crazy soon.
as for your business, lack of time and today's economy aren't making for very much profit these days, but i still think that you have accomplished something amazing with your business. you originally quit working at your old job to freelance full time with a plan of lets see how it goes for 3 months, remember? its been 2 YEARS since then. and you've done it all by yourself. that says something to me. i know its hard now, but things will get better, you'll see.
and as for your little girl, no matter how old she is, she will always be your little girl. you are always going to want to protect her from everything. just have faith in the fact that you raised a smart young woman (which you definitely have) and she will do just fine. as for her and the boy, it has to be hard to let her hash it out with him. hell, its hard for me and she isn't my daughter (although i love her like she was). i just keep telling myself he was raised in a very different environment, he is here with her, cut him some slack. still, if you need help knocking some sense into him, i got your back, baby. :-D
now, don't start dinner without me. i wanna cook together tonight. i love you!
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